


My Undying Love

by darkshadows



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Break Up, Cutting, M/M, Memories, Mental Breakdown, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-12-15
Packaged: 2017-12-25 17:12:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkshadows/pseuds/darkshadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake English decides it's time for he and Dirk to take a break from their relationship. Of course, Dirk, being in love, is heartbroken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "I think we should take a break..."

**Author's Note:**

> This does contain content that may be triggering to some.

The phone slipped from Dirk’s hand and clattered on the floor, the back of the phone coming off and the battery falling out.  


He stared ahead of him at the wall. He could literally feel his heart breaking, his whole world falling apart.  


Dirk Strider, age 17, robot builder and smuppet lover, had just heard the last possible thing he would want to hear. His heart was breaking, and it was all because of one dorky, lovable, gun loving boy.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


First day of the new school year. Dirk Strider, junior, sat at his desk in his English class. He looked up at the projection of the seating chart at the front of the room, seeing who he would have to deal with in this class. The people who were listed seemed to be easy enough to deal with, at least.  


As he mentally read off the names one by one, he stopped at an unfamiliar one, staring at it.  
Dirk may not be the most popular guy at school, really, Dirk only had two friends, but he did know everyone’s name at school. As he continued to stare at the name, he tried to picture a face that went with it. None came.  


The bell rang, indicating that class had started. The teacher stood at the doorway, waiting to shut the door as a few stranglers rushed into the classroom and took their seats. Dirk looked around at his fellow classmates. It was the usual combination of jocks, druggies, cheerleading, and outcasts. All of the seats were filled, he noted. All but one.  


The door suddenly opened and there stood a tall, tan, lanky, yet somewhat muscular Jake English. 

Of course, Dirk hadn't known at the time what this boy would become to him. Whenever he thought back to that day, the first time he had seen Jake English, he always remembered that the first thought to come to mind was, “Who’s that dork?”  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


“Golly, sir, I’m very sorry to be late.”  


The boy had an accent. Living in Texas, everyone had an accent, but this one was different. Dirk couldn’t quite place it. Was it Caribbean? No, too… something. It didn’t sound right to be Caribbean. Maybe it was from some other small South American country. He shook his head a little at himself. He wouldn’t be speaking English if he was from South America.  


The boy, Jake English, took his seat. It was across the room from Dirk, which gave him a good excuse to look at him from behind his pointy shades. He was, Dirk decided, very attractive. He had messy brown hair, forest green eyes which were framed by square black glasses, and a very lovable face.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


His hand felt wet. That’s when he noticed that he had punched a wall and cut his hand from a nail. Shit.  


He pulled his hand out and saw the blood dripping off it, falling to the floor. The blood gave him a sense of relaxation, and the pain made him forget why he punched the wall in the first place. He stared at his hand, smiling a little. He must be maniacal, to be feeling like this.  


Then everything rushed back. The phone call, Jake’s voice, Jake’s heartbreaking words, his own heart shattering in his chest....  
Dirk Strider, age 17, heartbroken teenage boy, needed something, and he needed it bad.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


“Hey, do you chaps think I could sit here with you?”  


Dirk turned his head slightly to see who it was. Of course, he already knew from the voice. It was that boy from English class, Jake.  


“Sure!” Roxy said, giggling, then took another sip of her “water”.  


Jake smiled.  


Dirk couldn’t help but stare.  


He instantly fell in love with the boy. His smile was gorgeous, and Dirk could tell from his eyes just the kind of person this Jake English was.  


“Hey, I’m Jake!” He held out his hand to Dirk as he sat down beside him.

He took Jake’s hand and shook it. “Dirk.”  


He could’ve sworn he felt a spark their hands touched. Was that even possible? He didn’t know, but didn’t care, either.  


“Nice to meet you, Dirk!” Jake’s smile grew wider, then turned to look at the other two sitting at the table. “And who are you lovely ladies?”  


For some reason, this made Dirk a bit angry. Or maybe he felt jealous? He didn’t know, but either way, he knew he shouldn’t be feeling this way. For fuck’s sake, he had just met the boy.


	2. "Dirk? You there, mate?"

The walk to the bathroom seemed short, although it was only a few feet down the hall from his room. It still wasn't close enough for him, though, he decided as he took the few long strides down the hall and opened the door. Dirk pulled open his drawer and felt the bottom of it, under the entire drawer itself.

He hissed between his teeth when his finger caught on the edge of the blade. Before he had even met Jake, Dirk used to tear apart his skin. He had always kept the blades well hidden, still did, too, just in case, but it had been months since he had even thought of using the blades.

However, tonight, he needed them. He needed to escape the pain that was invading his chest and just forget everything for a few minutes.

Never has the urge been this strong before.

Dirk's mind was racing, trying to figure out what he had done wrong, if it was anything at all.

AR: Maybe you didn't do anything wrong.

Dirk jumped a little when AR's message popped up on the screen in his shades. Well, shit. He really didn't need this right now. Could he ever be alone? No, of course not. It always had to be something: his friends bugging him, Jake, his robots wanting to rap, or AR, pestering him for God knows what reason.

AR: Maybe he thought he would do something wrong, and he just didn't want to hurt you.

He stared at the words on his shades, anger beginning to rise up within him. If Jake didn't want to hurt him, then why would he break his fucking heart? Jake knew how much he loved him, so why would he do this?

TT: Leave me alone.

AR: No.

TT: Yes.

AR: Why?

TT: Because I'll fucking break you if you don't.

AR:That's a bit harsh, don't you think?

Dirk ignored him and took the shades off, setting them on the counter. Thankfully, there was no light on, so his eyes wouldn't hurt and he wouldn't develop a headache anytime soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Strider!"

Dirk turned around to find Jake standing there, smiling wide. He had a great smile, Dirk had to admit. Hell, everything about him was great. These last few weeks since he'd met Jake were the best of his life.

"Hey, Jake," he said, smirking a little. 

"You said you had something to tell me?"


	3. "Oh... he hung up..."

Dirk's heart stopped for a moment. That's right. Just the night before, he had told Jake that tomorrow, which was now today, he had something important to tell him.

But now, looking at Jake, he couldn't. What if Jake turned him down and their friendship was ruined? Dirk didn't think - no. He knew wouldn't be able to handle that. With Jake in his life, even as just a friend, he felt happier, felt safer. He didn't need the blades that he used to be so dependent on just a few weeks earlier.

"Dirk?" Jake asked, concerned, as Dirk had not said anything for the past few seconds.

"Oh, um..."

Fuck. He had to tell him now. He had to. He took Jake's hand and looked into his eyes from behind his shades.

"Is everything okay?" Now Jake looked even more worried.

"Huh? Yeah, everything's fine." Dirk said, giving Jake a small smile. "I just... Jake... I'm in love with you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He sat on the toilet seat, looking down at the silver blade in his hand. 

So many emotions hit him at once. Anger, sadness, agony, pain... He didn't know how to handle it. The day he confessed his love for Jake had been the scariest day of his life, but even that day, he never felt this overwhelmed with emotion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dirk!" 

It's been about a week since Dirk confessed to Jake. A week full of awkward glances and mumbled hellos in the hallway. To be honest, Dirk was surprised Jake was talking to him at all. He had seemed so baffled after the confession, unsure of how to feel or act.

That's when Dirk had left and went home. Home, his place of loneliness and punishment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He felt a drop of water hit his wrist, discovering that he was crying.

If he wasn't ready to cut himself out of his own skin, or ready to jump from the roof of the apartment building to the ground below, he would've cursed himself. Striders don't cry. That was one of the many things Bro had taught him through the years... When he was around, that is.

But right now, he wanted blood. Not just anyone's blood.

His own.


	4. He puts his phone in his pocket, then a sudden realization hit him... if he knows Dirk, which he likes to think he does, he knows that Dirk took this very hard. And would probably blame and destroy himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to post this up, I've been super busy! I have reread this, however, and I think I might rewrite this story. I will keep this version up for now, however, on the side, I will be working on the new version, along with school and other fanfics and other stories. I plan on posting the whole story all at once, so if it takes a while for me to post it, I'm sorry.

"Yeah?" Dirk asked, turning around to see a very tired looking Jake. 

According to Roxy, Jake hadn't been sleeping. She said he was worried about how Dirk had taken his reaction. To be honest, Dirk took it pretty hard. He confessed his love, then there, right in front of him, stood Jake, trying to keep himself from saying the wrong thing, trying to break Dirk gently.

"Look, last week... I don't... What I'm trying to say is..." Jake stumbled over his words.

"Jake, stop," Dirk said, whole body now turned to face him.

"No, I need to say this," he took a deep breath. "I feel the same."

Dirk's heart stopped. Had he heard him right? Had he really just said that?

"Wait, you -" 

Dirk was stopped by Jake's lips suddenly on his own. They felt nice, warm, yet nervous. His eyes shut as he relaxed, his hands moving to rest on Jake's hips. 

"I do, Dirk. I just... Golly, I just wasn't sure what I was feeling." Jake mumbled, pulling back a little, looking at the ground. 

Jake's cheeks were pink and a hand rubbed the back of his neck. Dirk leaned in, lifting his chin up and kissed him softly, quickly. He swore that he had felt his heart flutter in that moment. He gave Jake a smile, then hugged him. Jake was quick to hug him back. 


End file.
